520最實(shí)用攻略——解鎖人際親密感的產(chǎn)生（中英雙語(yǔ)）

在希臘神話的傳說(shuō)里，只要被長(zhǎng)著翅膀的愛神丘比特用箭射中，任何男女就會(huì)陷入深愛。但在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中，你相信有這樣的“丘比特之箭”，能夠讓愛情有捷徑可循嗎？

一位美國(guó)心理學(xué)家將告訴你：只要回答完這36個(gè)問題愛情不僅能夠速成，實(shí)驗(yàn)還能創(chuàng)造愛情！

美國(guó)心理學(xué)家 Arthur Aron 博士，在《人際親密感的產(chǎn)生：實(shí)驗(yàn)程序及部分初步發(fā)現(xiàn)》一文中，曾設(shè)計(jì)了一個(gè)實(shí)驗(yàn)：他讓參與實(shí)驗(yàn)的陌生人，兩兩分組坐在一起，在45分鐘內(nèi)，讓他們彼此提問并回答36個(gè)問題，回答之后讓彼此凝視4分鐘。最后，通過調(diào)查問卷，向參與實(shí)驗(yàn)的人，了解實(shí)驗(yàn)雙方對(duì)彼此的親密感，并進(jìn)行了追蹤調(diào)查。

實(shí)驗(yàn)結(jié)果發(fā)現(xiàn)：

有30%參與實(shí)驗(yàn)的人，在聊完36個(gè)問題后，表示他們和一起參與實(shí)驗(yàn)人的關(guān)系已經(jīng)超過了他們?nèi)松泻推渌说娜魏我欢?；一段時(shí)間之后，有37%的實(shí)驗(yàn)者，在上課的時(shí)候坐在了一起；而有35%的實(shí)驗(yàn)者，在問答過后，已經(jīng)開始約會(huì)。還有一對(duì)實(shí)驗(yàn)者，在六個(gè)月后就結(jié)婚了，他們邀請(qǐng)了所有參與實(shí)驗(yàn)的人，都去參加了他們的婚禮。

Arthur Aron博士的這個(gè)“愛上陌生人”的實(shí)驗(yàn)，后來(lái)被很多人所效仿。一位大學(xué)教授Mandy Len Catron，和剛認(rèn)識(shí)的一位陌生男人，嘗試了此實(shí)驗(yàn)，結(jié)果迅速培養(yǎng)出感情，墜入情網(wǎng)。她把自己的經(jīng)歷，在《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》的情感專欄上發(fā)表了文章《只要你這么做，想愛上任何人都可以》，隨后這系列的36個(gè)問題在各種社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)上走紅，引起了眾多人的興趣與試驗(yàn)，被稱之為“愛上任何人的36個(gè)問題”。

甚至在情景劇《生活大爆炸》的第八季中，主角謝耳朵和佩妮也坐在一起，玩了一把這個(gè)心理實(shí)驗(yàn)的游戲。

社會(huì)心理學(xué)家早已發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)你對(duì)一個(gè)人傾訴得越多，在情感上你就越容易依賴并且信賴Ta。而人與人的親密度，會(huì)因?yàn)樽晕遗抖嵘?。借?20，和你身邊的人來(lái)試試這36個(gè)問題吧～

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

假如可以選擇世界上任何人，你希望邀請(qǐng)誰(shuí)共進(jìn)晚餐？

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

你希望成名嗎？在哪一方面？

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

撥打電話前，你會(huì)先練習(xí)要說(shuō)的話嗎？為什么？

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，怎樣才算是“完美”的一天？

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

上一次唱歌給自己聽是什么時(shí)候？唱歌給別人聽又是什么時(shí)候呢？

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

假如你能夠活到90歲，并且你可以選擇讓你的心智或身體在后60年一直停留在30歲，你會(huì)選擇哪一個(gè)？

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

關(guān)于未來(lái)你可能怎么死，你有自己的秘密預(yù)感嗎？

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

列舉3個(gè)你和伴侶共同擁有的特質(zhì)。

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

你的人生中最感恩的事情是什么？

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

假如可以改變你成長(zhǎng)過程中的任何事，你希望有哪些改變？

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

用4分鐘的時(shí)間，盡可能詳細(xì)地向伴侶講述你的人生故事。

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

假如明天早上明天一覺醒來(lái)能獲得任何一種能力或特質(zhì)，你希望是什么？

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

假如有顆水晶球能告訴你關(guān)于自己、人生、未來(lái)或其他任何事的真相，你想知道什么？

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

有什么事想做很久了？還沒去做的原因是？

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

你人生最大的成就是什么？

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

友情中你最重視什么？

17. What is your most treasured memory?

你最珍貴的回憶是什么？

18. What is your most terrible memory?

你最糟糕的回憶是什么？

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

如果你知道自己將在一年內(nèi)突然死去，你會(huì)對(duì)目前的生活方式做出一些改變嗎？為什么？

20. What does friendship mean to you?

友情對(duì)你而言意味著什么？

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

愛和感情在你生命里扮演什么樣的角色？

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

和伴侶輪流分享各自認(rèn)為對(duì)方擁有的比較好的性格特點(diǎn)。各自提5點(diǎn)。

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

你的家庭關(guān)系親密溫暖嗎？你是否覺得自己的童年比大部分人快樂？

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

你自認(rèn)為與母親的關(guān)系如何？

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ...

說(shuō)出3個(gè)含有“我們”并且符合實(shí)際情況的句子，比如“我們兩人在這個(gè)房間里都感覺到……”。

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

完成這個(gè)句子：“我希望有個(gè)人可以跟我分享……”。

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

如果想與伴侶成為密友，請(qǐng)告訴他或她需要了解的重要的事。

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

告訴伴侶你喜歡他或她的什么地方（回答此題必須非常誠(chéng)實(shí)，要說(shuō)出你可能不會(huì)對(duì)剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人說(shuō)的事）。

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

和伴侶分享你人生中尷尬的時(shí)刻。

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

上次在別人面前哭是什么時(shí)候？自己哭又是什么時(shí)候？

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

告訴伴侶，你現(xiàn)在喜歡他或她什么地方。

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

有什么事是絕對(duì)不能開玩笑的？

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

如果你今天晚上就會(huì)死掉，而且無(wú)法與任何人聯(lián)系，你最遺憾還沒有告訴別人什么事？為什么還沒說(shuō)呢？

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

你的房子起火了，你所有的東西都在里面。在救出所愛的人和寵物后，你還有時(shí)間可以安全地?fù)尵瘸鲎詈笠患|西。你會(huì)拿什么？為什么？

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

在你所有家人當(dāng)中，誰(shuí)的死對(duì)你的打擊會(huì)最大？為什么？

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

向伴侶提出個(gè)人生活中的一個(gè)問題，問對(duì)方遇到這樣的問題會(huì)怎么做。同時(shí)也請(qǐng)對(duì)方告訴你，在他或她看來(lái)，你對(duì)這個(gè)問題的感受是什么。