外刊精讀：當(dāng)別人不喜歡你時，如何才能毫不在意？｜Lifehacker

「來源: ｜魚曉事兒在這里 ID：sweetieMei0827」

editor | 魚曉事兒Date | 2021 0730阿魚仔的外刊精讀系列:98

本文原文比較長，兩三千字的樣子

所以截取了前五段做了精讀與大家分享一下。

想要閱讀英文原文的朋友在公眾號后臺

留言回復(fù)10730即可獲得原文本。

閱前導(dǎo)讀

有的時候，特別在意別人對自己的感受也能不是因為你想讓他們喜歡你，而是你不喜歡這種不被人喜歡的感覺。

我感覺作者也是經(jīng)歷過人際關(guān)系上的小挫折，有一種想通了之后的真誠~

人與人之間的氣場其實很奇怪

有的人第一次見面可能你就會知道 “這個人可能不喜歡我”(or 這個人很有意思，我覺得可以和ta成為好朋友?。?/p>

在這方面，直覺一直很準(zhǔn)。

不被人喜歡，有的時候也不是自己的錯，喜好的差異、觀點的不同，都可能成為“不被喜歡”的因素。

作者還是理性地提醒我們，要注意自己的行為，在所有舉動都合乎情理的情況下還不被待見可能是別人的問題，但是如果是自己的錯誤，那也怪不得別人啦。

最后，不必苛求每個人的喜歡，交朋友本來就不是一件容易事。

精讀筆記

英文文本來自：lifehacker

翻譯produced by: 魚曉事兒

標(biāo)題：How not to care when people don't like you

當(dāng)別人不喜歡你時，如何才能毫不在意？

副標(biāo)題：Everyone is disliked by someone. Don’t let it slow you down.

每個人都會被人討厭的，別讓這種事拖累你。

Para1

① When I was in high school, I found out that my friends didn’t like me.② One of the girls in my “group” told me I wasn’t invited to a birthday party because “everyone” thought I was annoying—which, to be honest, at 15 I probably was—and for months I was ostracized. ③ It took some time for me to worm my way back into the gang, but until then, I was devastated, and I swore I would spend the rest of my life being likable.

高中的時候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我的朋友們都不喜歡我。我的“小組”里有一個女孩告訴我，我沒有被邀請參加一個生日派對，因為“每個人”都覺得我很煩人——說實話呢， 15 歲的我可能就是這樣——因此呢被排斥了好幾個月。我花了一段時間才重新回到小團體中，但在那之前，我很崩潰，我發(fā)誓我會用我的余生去討人喜歡。

annoying: [n] 討厭的；惱人的 Her most annoying habit was eating with her mouth open. 她最讓人討厭的習(xí)慣就是張著嘴吃東西。同義詞：irritatingto be honest：老實說；說實話 上一篇【外刊精讀：為什么說顏值在戀愛關(guān)系中很重要？|Medium】是不是有一個 in all honesty? 也是老實說的意思。—which, to be honest, at 15 I probably was— 破折號中間這個部分是插入語，解釋說明I was annoying的原因（我十五歲的時候就那樣啦~）這個部分去掉，對句子在語法上不受影響，也就是說，即使去掉，語法上這個句子還是成立的。ostracize：v.放逐；排斥；按貝殼流放法放逐 （還記得貝殼放逐法？） He was ostracized by his colleagues for refusing to support the strike.他因拒絕支持罷工而受到同事的排斥。 worm my way back into...:這個詞組其實有點意思，worm one's way back 其實是爬回的意思，表達了作者這種比較卑微的狀態(tài)，花了好幾個月才重回小團體，還是“爬回”...嘖嘖嘖。devastated：adj. [devstetd] 極為震驚的，極度不安的

Para2

① But, as David Foster Wallace (sorry) wrote in Infinite Jest (sorry again), “certain persons simply will not like you not matter what you do, and no matter how likable you think you are, you’re not going to win over every person you meet. ② “Remember that it is impossible to pleaseeveryone,” Chloe Brotheridge, a hypnotherapist and anxiety expert, tells us. ③ “You have your own unique personality which means some people will love and adore you, while others may not.” ④ Of course, while this concept is easy to understand on its face, it’s difficult to keep your perspective in check when you find you’re, say, left out of invitations to happy hours with co-workers, or getting noncommittal responses from potential new friends, or you overhear your roommates bad-mouthing you. ⑤ Rejection is painful in any form, whether it be social or romantic, and it’s a big ego blow to get bumped from the inner circle.

但是，就像大衛(wèi)·福斯特·華萊士（抱歉）（這里可能是作者名字記錯了？）在《無限玩笑》中寫道的那樣，“不管你做什么，某些人就是不會喜歡你，無論你認(rèn)為自己有多可愛，你都不可能贏得你遇到的每一個人的好感。Chloe Brotheridge 是一位催眠治療師和焦慮專家，她告訴我們，“記住，取悅所有人是不可能的” ?！澳阌凶约邯毺氐膫€性，這意味著有些人會愛你，崇拜你，而有些人可能不會。” 當(dāng)然，雖然這個概念表面上很容易理解，但當(dāng)你發(fā)現(xiàn)同事共同歡度快樂時光，而自己卻沒被邀請，或者從有望成為新朋友的人那里得到不置可否的回應(yīng)，或者你無意中聽到室友在說你的壞話時，你就很難控制自己的觀點。任何形式的拒絕都是痛苦的，無論是社交上的還是戀愛關(guān)系中，被內(nèi)部小圈子排除在外對于個人的自尊心是很大的打擊。

certain persons simply will not like you not matter what you do,” and no matter how likable you think you are, 這句話沒什么難度和難以理解的語法點，但是值得每個人細(xì)品win over： 贏得…的支持; 使…與自己的觀點一致please：熟詞僻意 著這里是動詞，意思是：取悅，使...開心、使...滿意。hypnotherapist： [hpnoθerpst] 催眠治療家adore: v. [d(r)] 崇拜；愛慕；喜愛；極喜歡 It's obvious that she adores him. 她顯然深深地愛著他。this concept is easy to understand on its face：這個表面上很容易理解。keep sth in check:控制住某物say 熟詞僻意 在這里是“比如說” 的意思。noncommittal responses ：不置可否的回應(yīng)。noncommittal：adj. [nnkmtl] 態(tài)度不明朗的；不承擔(dān)義務(wù)的；無明確意義的potential new friends 這個詞組翻譯成 “潛在的新朋友”是不是會有一點怪怪？那么潛在的新朋友也就是“有望成為新朋友的人”。overhear: vt. 無意中聽到；偷聽a big ego blow:對自尊心的巨大打擊。ego：n. [iɡ; eɡ] 自我價值感;自我意識。bump：v. [bmp] （從某群體）調(diào)出，開除（某人） The coach told him he had been bumped from the crew. 教練通知他已被調(diào)出賽艇隊。

Para3

① Before you freak out,keep in mind that it’s not just normal to be occasionally disliked, but in fact, it’s healthy. ② Rejection is a way to suss out who’s compatible with whom, and just as getting romantically dumped by someone leaves you open to finding a better suited partner, getting axed from a social group gives you space to find folks that are a little more your speed. ③ Plus, it’s empowering not to fear being disliked—not that you should run around violating social norms, but when you’re not wasting energy molding your personality to someone else’s to be accepted, you’re more likely to find people who genuinely like you for you, and those relationships are far less exhausting to keep up. ④ Still, it sucks to feel disliked.

在你抓狂之前，請記住，偶爾不被喜歡并不只是正常的，事實上，這是健康的。被拒絕是一種發(fā)現(xiàn)誰和誰合適的方法，就像在戀愛關(guān)系中被甩了會讓你有機會找到更合適的另一半一樣，被社交小團體排擠了也能讓你可以去尋找比你進度更快的人。另外，不害怕被討厭是一種力量——不是說你應(yīng)該違反社會規(guī)范，而是當(dāng)你不浪費精力去塑造自己的個性讓別人接受你的時候，你更有可能找到真正喜歡你的人，而這些關(guān)系維持起來遠沒有那么讓人疲憊。盡管如此，感覺不被喜歡還是很難受的。

freak out: 崩潰，處于極度高漲的情緒中(如害怕、憤怒或興奮)keep in mind that...: 記住...suss out: 弄清楚。suss: v. [ss] 意識到；發(fā)現(xiàn)本質(zhì)；推測 I think I've got him sussed (= now I understand him) . 我想我已了解他了。be compatible with：與……和諧相處；與……相配的，合得來。a better suited partner：更恰當(dāng)?shù)陌閭H。getting axed from 同義替換上文的 be bumped from...: 都是被...排擠的意思。empower：v. 授權(quán)，允許；使能夠mold your personality：塑造、改變自己的個性。mold：v. [mld] 將...塑造who genuinely like you for you：因為你本身而真正喜歡你 genuinely：adv. [denjunli] 真誠地；誠實地it sucks to do sth: 做某事真是太糟糕了。

It’s okay to feel the pain

感到痛苦也沒關(guān)系

Para4

①Humans are social creatures, and so weexperience painful biological responses to rejection. ②“Historically it was essential for our survival,” Brotheridge explains.③ “When we were evolving and living in tribes, being rejected and kicked out of the community would have been a matter of life or death.” ④ When we get rejected, our brains register an emotional chemical response so strong, it can physically hurt. ⑤ We’re also likely to cycle through a series of responses that’s not dissimilar to the stages of grief. ⑥ First, the blame game starts. ⑦ “The first stop on the train is self blame: ‘It’s my fault, I did something to upset them,’” Sean Grover, a psychotherapist and author of When Kids Call the Shots, tells us.⑧ Up next is shame: “You feel ashamed, you feel humiliated, you feel weak,” Grover says.

人類是社會性的動物，因此我們面對拒絕會產(chǎn)生痛苦的生理反應(yīng)?！斑@歷來對我們的生存至關(guān)重要”Brother idge 解釋道?！爱?dāng)我們在部落中生存發(fā)展時，被排斥和被踢出社區(qū)將是一個生死攸關(guān)的問題?！碑?dāng)我們被拒絕時，我們的大腦會產(chǎn)生一種強烈的情緒化學(xué)反應(yīng)，這種反應(yīng)可能會造成身體傷害。我們也可能會經(jīng)歷一系列的反應(yīng)，這些反應(yīng)與悲傷的各個階段大體相似。好，那指責(zé)的游戲就開始了。當(dāng)孩子做主》一書的作者、心理治療師西恩·格羅弗說“第一輪是自責(zé)：‘這是我的錯，我做了一些讓他們不高興的事，’”。接下來是羞恥感：“你會感到羞愧、恥辱、虛弱，”

experience painful biological responses：產(chǎn)生痛苦的生理反應(yīng)。Historically： [hstrkli] adv. 從歷史觀點上說；在過去，歷史上地。那么在文中，作者想表達的觀點是“從過去到現(xiàn)在...、歷來如此?！眅volve: v. 發(fā)展；進化 The company has evolved into a major chemical manufacturer. 這家公司已逐步發(fā)展成一個主要的化工廠。register: [redst(r)] v. 流露出；顯得；表達出 Her face registered disapproval. 她臉上流露出不贊同的神色。so strong, it can physically hurt這句話是本句的結(jié)果狀語從句，可以寫成 so strong that it can physically hurt 作者的文風(fēng)比較口語化，能簡則簡。cycle through：經(jīng)歷（一系列）not dissimilar to = be similar to: 與...相似。

Para5

① Then, like any dumped individual, you’ll probably try to win back your rejecter. ② “Not because, necessarily, you want them to like you, but you just don’t like this feeling of being disliked,”Grover says. ③ “It’s, ‘Let me get you to like me so I can feel better about myself.’” ④ Last but not least, you’ll likely feel like you’re a failure, and that’s when it gets dark.⑤ “These are very, very, primitive early feelings. ⑥ For somebody not to like you, it induces a regression,” ⑦ Grover says. “Generally, that brings you back to high school, middle school, elementary school, when it was all about whether you’re cool or not. ⑧ Once you get caught in the feeling, it really pulls you under, and then you’re struggling.”

然后，像任何被拋棄的人一樣，你可能會試圖挽回拒絕你的人。格羅弗說，“不是因為你想讓他們喜歡你，而是你不喜歡這種不被人喜歡的感覺”?！熬褪亲屇阆矚g我這樣我就能感覺好一點”最后，你可能會覺得自己是個失敗者，嗯，這個時候天都要黑了?！斑@些都是非常非常原始的早期感受。格羅弗說，“如果有人不喜歡你，會使你想起過去的事”。“一般來說，這會把你帶回到高中、初中、小學(xué)事情，那時候，最重要的只是酷不酷。一旦你陷入這種感覺，它真的會把你拉下，然后你就開始痛苦掙扎?！?/p>

Last but not least：最后但并非最不重要的primitive：adj. [prmtv] 原始的；遠古的induce：v. [ndjus] 引起；導(dǎo)致 drugs which induce sleep 使人昏昏欲睡的藥物get caught in the feeling：陷入某種感覺

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